The Ninth Inning

Cold open.

RAZORTop of the ninth. Three runs down. Arlington Stadium. Your starter's out. Your bullpen's been dealing. Game's over, right? You're already thinking about tomorrow's lineup.

Beat.

RAZORBases loaded. Pinch hitter. George Brett. Thirty-six years old. Been hitting .214 on the season. And he gets a pitch — one pitch — and he puts it deep into the right-center gap, and it does not come back.

Beat.

RAZORGrand slam. Six-five, Badgers. Ballgame. And somewhere in that Slap Daddies dugout, a manager just watched the whole night disappear in one swing.

CARLAThat kind of loss —

RAZORThat kind of loss follows you home, Carla. You're sitting at dinner and you're not really at dinner. You're back in the ninth. You're wondering about the pitch sequence, the matchup, whether you should've gone to somebody else. And there's no answer. There's just the sound of that bat.

Theme music.

CARLAWelcome back to Foul Territory. I'm Carla Streich alongside Razor Shines, and Razor, that might have been the single best cold open you've ever given us.

RAZORI've been thinking about that grand slam for three days. You know what guys like Brett do when they come off the bench cold? They're not swinging for contact. They already know what they're looking for. One pitch. One zone. And if you put it there, God help you.

CARLAStandings through April twenty-fifth. Explosions at fifteen-five. Badgers at sixteen-six. Astleys at seventeen-eight. Wankers jumped to fourth at fourteen-ten. Nicaragua at twelve-ten. Slap Daddies dropped to sixth at eleven-ten after a two-and-four week.

RAZORFive teams at seven-and-three in their last ten. That's not a league, that's a traffic jam at the top.

CARLAAnd then there's a fourteen-game canyon between sixth place and the Nukes at three-and-twenty-one. The Hurricanes at two-and-twenty. Those two are playing a different sport at this point.

RAZORI'm not sure they're playing a sport. I think they're just showing up and something happens to them for nine innings.

CARLAThe Wankers went six and one, outscoring opponents fifty to twenty-four. Robin Yount is happening. .368 on the season. League leader in hits with thirty-nine. Howard Johnson — .310 with eight home runs before going down on the twenty-third. Expected back April twenty-ninth. Hrbek's sitting at .289 with eight of his own. This lineup has layers.

CARLABroyles the player — .246, trending up. Had the game-winning RBI against the Hurricanes on the twenty-third. Solid contributor. Brings energy.

RAZOR

A pause that could mean many things.

CARLAThe Badgers went five and two. Beat Nicaragua ten-four, took two of three from Knockemstiff including that game, and closed the week with two wins over the Nukes. The Brett grand slam is the headline. But Graham has him in the DH spot, brings him off the bench in the right situation, and — grand slam.

RAZORThe bullpen continues to be the best unit in the league. Lancaster hasn't given up a run all season — eighteen and a third innings, zero earned. Montgomery picked up two more saves. His ERA dropped to 1.38.

CARLAWhat worries me — the rotation. Nobody's under 4.50. Magrane at 7.45. McCaskill at 4.98. Moore and Hurst both at 4.56. That bullpen is holding this team together with duct tape and optimism. Also — the Badgers waived John Kruk this week and signed Bip Roberts. Kruk never got an at-bat behind Alvin Davis.

CARLAIron Knob went four and two. Hershiser — three and oh, 1.36 ERA, thirty-three innings. The man is pitching like he's sending a message to the rest of the league and the message is: I don't care who you are.

RAZORAnd Blyleven right there with him. Two and one, 1.64. Two complete games, two shutouts. At thirty-eight years old.

CARLAMaddux came in as the future of that rotation and he's sitting at 5.12 while the old man is throwing complete-game shutouts. He got a win this week against the Hurricanes, so the ERA's trending down. But the gap between Blyleven and Maddux right now is striking. Now, I have to mention Harris. The player, not the manager. .710 batting average. .757 on-base. .968 slugging.

RAZORSolid contributor. Brings energy.

CARLARazor, that's a 1.724 OPS.

RAZORHe sees the ball well.

CARLAHe sees the ball historically well. Nobody in the league is within four hundred points of that OPS.

RAZORSome guys get locked in.

CARLAThe Astleys had a quiet five-and-two week. Bryn Smith four and oh, 2.00 ERA. Eric Davis up to nine home runs. Tettleton's on-base is .453 — best in the league. They also lost a game to the Hurricanes. PC Beach's second win of the season came against the team with the best record in the WLB.

RAZORThat's baseball, Carla. That's the whole thing about baseball.

CARLANicaragua went four and three and took two of three from Iron Knob — both wins in extra innings. Ripken had the walk-off in the twelve-inning game.

RAZORYou're welcome.

CARLACal Ripken is hitting .132 on the season. His card says .257. And he got the walk-off.

RAZORThat's the thing about a slump. It doesn't mean you're done. It means the moment hasn't come yet. Clemens is three and oh with a 2.79 ERA. He might be becoming the ace that Saberhagen was supposed to be.

CARLASaberhagen's at 4.70. He was supposed to be the best pitcher in the league. Clemens just walked in and took the job. The Slap Daddies had a tough week. Two and four. Bonilla's having one of the best months any hitter in the league has had — .415 average, league leader in OPS, nineteen RBI. And the team's still losing.

RAZORScott's at 7.25. Smiley's at 5.64. Ryan's at 5.00. The top of that rotation is struggling. Also — Knockemstiff picked up Kruk off waivers the same week the Badgers let him go. You don't stop building because you lost a couple. That's when you build.

CARLAThough I imagine Houlberg is still thinking about that ninth inning.

RAZORA grand slam in the ninth doesn't just change the score. It changes the temperature. The bus ride home is different. The next day's batting practice is different. Everything tastes a little different for a while. It's not one game you lost, it's the two or three after it that you have to fight your way back from.

CARLAHoward Johnson, Huanca — expected back April twenty-ninth. Jim Acker, Nicaragua — out until May third. Pascual Perez, Knockemstiff — back on the twenty-seventh.

RAZORBest news Houlberg's gotten all week.

CARLARazor, you called Nicaragua bouncing back two weeks ago. They took two of three from Iron Knob in extra innings. That's a hit.

RAZORI'm not going to be modest about this. I said it, and they did it.

CARLAMy prediction was that the Badgers would drop a starter before May. April's got five days left. The rotation ERAs are Magrane at 7.45, McCaskill at 4.98, Moore and Hurst at 4.56. Nobody's been cut. I still think it's coming. New predictions — you first.

RAZORThe Slap Daddies. Perez comes back and that rotation starts to settle. I'm saying Knockemstiff goes five-and-two or better next week.

CARLAMine — Howard Johnson comes back on the twenty-ninth and hits two home runs in his first game.

RAZORThat's very specific.

CARLAI'm a journalist. We deal in specifics.

Old landline ringtone — loud, jarring.

CARLAMel, you're on.

MELCarla. Razor. I've been waiting to talk about Orel Hershiser.

RAZOR

Quietly, to Carla: "Here we go."

MELThree episodes. Three episodes I've been trying to make this point and somebody cuts me off or there's a child on the phone or Donna needs the — Donna, I am ON THE AIR.

Faint, in the background: "Well tell them I said hello."

MELShe says hello. Now. Hershiser. I've been tracking his run support since opening day. I built a model. I've got the spreadsheets —

CARLAMel, Hershiser is three and oh with a 1.36 ERA.

MELI'm aware of his record, Carla.

CARLAHe's thrown two complete games. A shutout. He's the best pitcher in the league right now by almost any measure.

MELThe model doesn't care about right now. The model tracks —

RAZORMel, I think what Carla's saying is that the run support issue might have resolved itself.

MELThe data from weeks one and two clearly showed —

CARLAThat was two weeks ago.

MELI have three weeks of handwritten notes here, Carla. Three weeks. Donna watched me build the graphs.

Faint, in the background: "You used all my good markers."

MELThe POINT is that run support is a lagging indicator. You can't just look at wins and losses. The underlying distribution of —

RAZORMel. How many runs did Iron Knob score in Hershiser's starts?

MELSeven. Seven. And four. And... I had something here.

CARLAMel, you've been building a case for three episodes and the data moved on without you. It happens.

MELDonna's never going to let me hear the end of this.

Faint, in the background: "I told you to call about Langston."

MELI'm not calling about Langston! I have to go. There are other models. The season is long.

CARLAMel, thank you for —

MELThe season is LONG, Carla.

Click. Dial tone.

RAZORHe spent three weeks on something and the game just kept going without him.

CARLAThat's the cruelty of live data. The spreadsheet doesn't wait for you to finish your point. That's going to do it for this week. Wankers surging, Badgers bullpenning their way to wins, Nicaragua punching up, Knockemstiff licking their wounds, and somewhere Mel Kowalski is staring at a graph that used to mean something.

RAZORThe season is long.

CARLAThe season is long. For Razor Shines, I'm Carla Streich. This has been Foul Territory — no perspectives are out of bounds.

Theme out.